Mindful Digressions

From worst to first

I don’t know how long it’s going to last, so I’m going to relish at least this day.  Why?  The Red Sox, who were expected to be the team to beat in Major League baseball this summer, lost their first six games of the season.  By the middle of April they had won only two of their first twelve games, and by the end of the month, the Sox were firmly in last place in the AL East.

Since then, the Sox have won 18 games while losing only 7.  They’ve won 12 of their last 14 games.  They are currently the hottest team in baseball and have moved ahead of the much hated (by me, anyway) Yankees to claim the top in the East.  It’s hard to believe that, after the extremely poor start to the season, the Sox now have the second best win-loss record in the American League.

Of course, it’s not even June, and there’s still a lot of baseball left to this season.  There are yet four games to play in May and, if the Sox suffer a couple of losses, they could yet be knocked out of first place before month-end.

So I’m going to savor this day, when the Red Sox, having overcome their poor start, sit atop the heap and are finally living up to the pre-season hype.

Now if they can keep it up through October, we may yet see the Red Sox in the World Series again.  And wouldn’t it be lovely to see a World Series in which my beloved Boston Red Sox do battle with the team from my newly adopted hometown, the current World Series champs, the San Francisco Giants?

Hey, it could happen!

Do over

Last month on this very blog, as I was reflecting on turning 65, I lamented that, in real life, there are no do-overs.  Apparently Harold Camping, who had predicted that this past Saturday would be Judgment Day (aka, the “rapture”) and that the world would come to a violent end five months later, didn’t read my blog.  He has declared a do-over.

Camping claims to have simply made a math error, a tactic I tried in high school algebra many times to no avail.  I was never permitted to take the test over. 

Camping still insists, in the aftermath of his ruptured rapture, that his prediction was accurate.  It’s just that his calculations were off by five months.  He is as confident as ever in his slightly revised prediction that the planet will be obliterated on October 21st of this year.

Apparently, in seeking answers as to why he wasn’t already in heaven, it dawned on Camping that “instead of the biblical Rapture in which the faithful would be swept up to the heavens, May 21 had instead been a ‘spiritual’ Judgment Day, which places the entire world under Christ’s judgment.”

Of course that’s what happened!  How silly Harold was to not recognize the true nature of rapture.  “We’ve always said May 21 was the day, but we didn’t understand altogether the spiritual meaning,” he said.  Yes, god works in mysterious ways, doesn’t he, Harold?

“The fact is there is only one kind of people who will ascend into heaven,” Camping said.  You can bet that the “one kind of people” who made the cut on May 21st were not Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, or atheists, right Harold?

I can say with a high degree of confidence that Harold Camping is not a fan of Rob Bell, that pastor of an evangelical Michigan mega-church, who, earlier this month I also blogged about.  Bell recently published a book in which he challenged the Christian notion of heaven as an exclusive country club with a “keep out” sign for all but the “one kind of people” Camping refers to.

Of course, Bell has since been vilified and disavowed by many Christian leaders, particularly evangelical Christian leaders.  Fundamental to their faith is the belief that heaven is, indeed, exclusive.  The bible commands people to believe in and accept Jesus in order to be saved and says that hell is a certainty for those who don’t.  This doesn’t jibe with Bell’s suggestion that heaven has an open-door policy and that not all non-believers will be condemned to an eternity in hell.

It’s shit like this that I find really fascinating about religion and the religious.  The “believers” seem so sure about things no one can possibly know.  Even old, weird Harold, despite the fact that May 21st came and went and nothing actually happened, is still claiming that he wasn’t wrong about the rapture.  He just made a math error.

Stop by this blog on October 22nd.  No doubt Harold will be asking for yet another do-over.

Oops!

“If you are reading this blog,” the website suggested, “then you were not saved by Jesus in the Second Coming, and have been left behind during the End of Days.”  Holy shit!  So now what should I do?

Of course, as an athiest I expected to be left behind on such a momentous day.  But how are those who do believe but were somehow passed over by Jesus supposed to prepare themselves for the “End Times”?  The website advised people to stock up on “water, canned goods, and appropriate clothing.”

Appropriate clothing?  What clothing, exactly, is appropriate to wear for the end of the world?  What would Danielle Steel and Carl Nolte wear at a time like this?

It seems that some Christians really believed that this past Saturday, May 21, 2011, was the day of rapture.  You know, Judgment Day (and no, I’m not talking about one of those Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator movies).  Arnie’s going to soon be facing a tough judgment day of his own.

The most vocal and definitive player in this religious doomsday prediction has been American Christian radio host and president of Family Radio, Harold Camping.  The 89 year-old Camping, through his Family Radio Network, which runs 66 radio stations across the country and is worth at least $120 million, has been telling his listeners and followers that May 21st was the big day.

This past Saturday, he promised, two or three percent of the world’s population would be swept away to heaven, leaving the rest of us to suffer massive earthquakes that were to begin at around 6 p.m. in each of the world’s time zones, starting with New Zealand.  The rest of humanity, he said, would wallow in five months of anguish until “final destruction” and the end of the world on Oct. 21.

What a sweet old man this Harold Camping is.

It seems that an astonishing number of people believed him, including many of his followers who listen, um, religiously, to his Christian radio network.  There are stories about people who quit their jobs, gave away their money, and did other really stupid things in the belief that they’d be in heaven by now.  In fact, many gave away their money to Camping’s Family Radio Network.  Oops!

One such follower of Camping is Bob James, president of Embedded Work, LLC, a “value-added technology distributor.”  James wrote on his website that “the Bible states in no uncertain terms that Jesus Christ’s return is set for May 21, 2011.  This is the day of the Rapture when Christ will gather His people to Heaven.  It is also the start of Judgment Day, the time when God will bring an end to this world because of mankind’s sin.  The world will remain in the Day of Judgment for 5 months (153 days) and God will annihilate it October 21, 2011.”

That’s some statement coming from the head of a technology distribution company.  I assume that Mr. James is nowhere to be found these days, as he was surely one of those two to three percent of people who were swept away to heaven on Saturday.

But if Bobby is still earth-bound, if he wasn’t swept up to heaven, then the bible, the true word of God, was wrong, and Jesus didn’t return to earth on Saturday.  And if the bible is wrong, then God, whose very words are reflected in the bible, must be wrong.  And if God is wrong, what does that mean for those who believe in the infallibility of God and in the absolute truth of the bible.  Oops!

Judgment Day has come and gone and nothing seems to have happened.  Well, nothing but tons of publicity and money for Harold Camping and his Family Radio Network.  Anyone seen Mr. Camping lately?

In fact, he did emerge from his Alameda, CA home on Sunday after the rapture failed to materialize.  “It has been a really tough weekend,” he said, adding that he was “flabbergasted” that he wasn’t in heaven yet.  Oh yes, Harold Camping, you are, indeed, not in heaven, but in a hell of your own making.

Cheer up, Mr. Camping, Mr. James, and all of those who expected to be lifted to heaven with Jesus this past Saturday.  After all, it’s not the end of the world.  Oh, sorry, you were hoping that it was.  Oops!

Time to tie one on?

Of all the places I’ve lived...and there have been many...I’ve always viewed San Francisco as the epitome of “anything goes” when it comes to fashion.  So I was surprised to read Carl Nolte’s “Native Son” column in this Sunday’s San Francisco Chronicle. 

Nolte reported that author Danielle Steel has left San Francisco, and on her way out she commented, “There’s no style, nobody dresses up - you can’t be chic there.  I don’t think people really care how they look there.”

Steel lamented that the people of this ever-trendy city have lost their sense of style...and Nolte agreed.  When it comes to how people in San Francisco dress, Nolte bemoaned, “anything goes.”

Nolte took it upon himself to conduct an informal survey in the city’s financial district and found, to his chagrin, that only around ten percent of the men he came across were wearing neckties.  He seemed stunned that downtown restaurants that used to refuse to serve patrons not “appropriately” suited and tied were now serving customers dressed as if they were eating at a Denny’s.

After reading Nolte’s column, I wondered why he or anyone else, other than old stuffies like George F. Will and Daniel Akst, who believe denim jeans are the work of the devil, would care all that much about how slylishly other people dress.  Why, in this day and age of “anything goes,” would anyone find more casual attire troubling?

I suppose those associated with the fashion industry would care.  Did you know that more than $1 billion is spent annually on men’s neckties in the United States?  That’s quite a chunk of change and something that might motivate those in the necktie-as-a-fashion-statement industry to make sure ties remain de rigueur  business attire.

But why the tie, I wondered.  In the interest of full disclosure, no one has ever accused me of being a fashion tree.  Quite frankly, I am anything but stylish.  I’m a jeans and sneakers kind of a guy.  I hate wearing ties.  To me, the tie is a useless, unnecessary item of clothing.

Seriously, what purpose does a necktie serve, other than to chafe the neck or constrict blood flow to the brain?  Does a suit and tie render someone more competent and professional than someone in an open-collared shirt and sport coat?

Apparently so, declared Karen Hughes in an article, “Bring it on - business casual is DEAD.”  In her article for Womenetics, Ms. Hughes wrote, “In order to be successful, one must ‘look’ and ‘act’ successful.”

That sentiment reminded me of Billy Crystal’s SNL character Fernando, who used to say, in Crystal’s dead-on take off of Fernando Lamas, “You look mahveleous...and you know it’s better to look good than to feel good.”  Ms. Hughes attitude reeks of “it’s not how good you are, it’s how good you look.”

The tie as a phallic symbol

So what is  the deal with ties?  My extensive research confirmed that the tie is essentially a phallic symbol.  I’m not kidding you.  According to Rita Hutner in Catalogs.com, men’s neckties direct the viewer’s eyes downward toward the man’s genitals.  Hutner claims, “the guy is subtly showing off.”  Seriously, Rita?

In researching the history of ties I found out that ties first appeared in 221 BC when military men of China’s first emperor, Shin Huang Ti, were buried wearing neckties.  Once you’re dead, it’s a little late to be drawing the eye toward your crotch, huh Rita?

It was in the 1600s when neckwear for men became somewhat fashionable in Europe after the Thirty Years’ War (1618-1648), when Croatian mercenaries wore small, knotted neckerchiefs.  These “cravats” become a fashion craze in Paris.  In 1784, Beau Brummel, an English authority on men’s fashion, associated a neck cloth with individuality and self expression.

The modern necktie was born in the 1920s when a long, thin, easy to knot tie that would not come undone was introduced.  And, up until a decade or so ago, the necktie continued to be the standard attire for white collar workers throughout the Western world...until someone finally asked “why?” and casual, tieless attire became acceptable at the office.

Hold that thought.  Corporate America appears to be reverting to “more traditional” dress codes.  According to an article, Revenge of the Tie, “business sloppy” is out, suits and ties are in.  Oh damn!

While I still don’t have to wear a tie on those rare occasions when I have to show face at the office...not yet, anyway...lately I have been requested to wear a tie on virtually every visit to a prospective client, even for those companies that have embraced “business sloppy.”

I know you’re supposed to dress for the occasion, but seriously, folks, is it really such a good idea to wear an accessory that draws the eyes of those attending the meeting toward your genitals?

Reheat your meat

No, the name of this post is not the tagline for an ad about a new miracle drug to cure erectile dysfunction or to enhance male sexual performance.

It is about a warning that the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has issued for women who are pregnant, people over 50, “and especially for those over 65.”  Uh oh!

According to a recent article I read in USA Today, the CDC is warning us old timers against eating cold lunch meats, cold cuts, and deli meats.

Who knew that the latest threat to the survival of the human race would be honey cured ham, roasted turkey breast, or bologna?  And yet the CDC suggests that such luncheon meats should not be eaten unless they’ve been thoroughly reheated to “steaming hot” (or at least 165 degrees) in order to kill any bacteria that might be present.

I can think of few things less appetizing than a plate piled high with steaming hot cold cuts.  (If sliced luncheon meats are steaming hot, are they still considered to be “cold cuts”?)

Actually I can think of a few other piles of steaming stuff less appetizing than steaming cold cuts, but let’s just not go there.

This recommendation to reheat your meat is due to an insidious food-borne bug by the name of listeria monocytogenes.  It’s the source of an uncommon but potentially fatal disease called listeriosis.  About 85% of cases of listeriosis are linked to cold cuts or deli meats.  The remaining 15%, according to reliable sources from the makers of Scope mouthwash, are linked to the use of Listerine, which, competitors claim, has listeria as its active ingredient.

By the way, Listeriosis is fatal about 20% of the time!  And like all really scary threats to your health and well being, but unlike Islamic Jihadists, you can’t see, taste, or smell listeria.

Most luncheon meats are cooked at food processing plants where the bacteria in them are killed during the packaging process.  But the problem is that once the cold cuts are sliced or the package is opened, they are vulnerable to listeria.

If just a single cell of listeria from a contaminated surface, a meat slicer, or even the air gets on the meats, it has a unique ability to keep growing even when refrigerated.  It’s like a friggin’ zombie that just won’t die.

The CDC also advises that you not keep opened packages of lunch meat, or meat sliced at the local deli, for longer than three to five days in your refrigerator.  I looked at a package of organic roasted turkey breast that my wife bought at Whole Foods Market a while ago.  The package does say “Keep refrigerated (best within four days of opening).”

Best within four days of opening; possibility of death if consumed after that.

The suggestion that cold cuts should be consumed within three to five days of opening is something that virutally no one pays attention to, says Douglas Powell, director of food safety at Kansas State University.  “Anecdotally, lots of people keep cold cuts in their refrigerator far longer than they should,” he says.  “People keep them for one to two weeks.  That’s the key message.  If you get it from the deli counter, four days max.”

I always thought that if it didn’t smell bad, if it didn't feel slimy, if the edges hadn’t turned green or blue, and if there weren’t little white spots of mold on the meat, it was still okay to eat.

By the way, the CDC also recommends that if, after eating refrigerated luncheon meats or deli cold cuts without reheating your meat, you get an erection lasting more than four hours, you should contact your doctor immediately.

Or gargle with Listerine.

Does hell exist and is that the right question?

“Imagine there’s no heaven; It’s easy if you try; No hell below us; Above us only sky.”

Those are lyrics from the 1971 John Lennon song, “Imagine.”  Of course, Lennon’s song was considered blatantly anti-religious and blasphemous by most Christian conservatives.  Belief in the existence of hell, most often depicted as an abysmal “place” of fire and brimstone where those who don’t accept and embrace Jesus will spend an eternity, is a critical tenet of Christianity.  To take away hell is to leave Christianity without its most powerful sanction.

And yet a western Michigan Evangelical Christian pastor has created controversy with his claim that hell may not exist.  The pastor of the Mars Hill Bible Church in Grandville, Michigan, Rob Bell, preaches to between 8,000 and 10,000 people each Sunday and has been called a rock star of the Evangelical church world.  Through his recently published book, “Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived,” however, Bell is putting his religious rock star status in jeopardy.

Bell argues that the idea of God sending all but a select few Christians into a fiery pit for eternity is “theologically rigid, outdated, and dangerous.”  One of Bell’s inspirations for his assessmentof hell was a note he came across stuck to a Gandhi quotation.  The note read, “Reality check: He’s in hell.”  What kind of god, Bell wondered, would throw Gandhi into everlasting fire simply because he wasn’t Christian?

It’s not so much that Bell doesn’t believe in heaven and hell as much as it is that he believes that heaven is not exclusive to those who believe that Jesus is the son of God and accept him as their savior.  The Christian bible teaches that salvation can be through Christ alone.  Bell speaks about salvation for everybody.  He even suggests that the pearly gates of heaven might be open to Jews, Muslims, and Buddhists.  Gasp!  Can you believe the audacity of this guy?

New York Times columnist Ross Douthat takes issue with Bell’s questioning of hell, arguing that “Doing away with hell is a natural way for pastors and theologians to make their God seem more humane.  The problem is that this move also threatens to make human life less fully human.”  Huh?

Douthat reasons that “to believe in God and not in hell is ultimately to disbelieve in the reality of human choices.”  He asserts that the idea of hell is crucial to Christianity and gives meaning and consequences to one’s free will and choices, which choices can lead to either salvation or eternal damnation.

Douthat ends his column by asking, “Is Gandhi in hell?  It’s a question that should puncture religious chauvinism and unsettle fundamentalists of every stripe.  But there’s a question that should be asked in turn: Is Tony Soprano really in heaven?”

Really, Ross?  You’re comparing Gandhi to the fictional mob boss from an HBO TV series to bolster your argument that hell does exist and that all who don’t embrace Jesus deserve to end up there?  Seriously?

Janice Shaw Crouse of the Washington Times goes even further in her criticism of Bell.  In her column entitled Beware: Hell Exists (with the interesting subtitle, “There’s no Christianity without sin, death and the Resurrection”), Crouse writes that Bell’s notion “throws out the doctrine of salvation and the necessity for Christ’s death on the cross for our sins.  Bell’s views, then, dismiss the need for redemption, repentance, the church and much of the rest of Christian doctrine.”  Tsk, tsk.

The more important question

The more important question, at least to me, is not whether hell exists or even whether heaven exists.  It’s whether God exists.  The fact that Bell is being accused of blasphemy and heresy and is being labeled a “tool of Satan” says it all.  These outcries against someone within the church who has the balls to question one of its critical tenets reinforces to me that the very foundation of Christianity...and, essentially, all organized religions...is nothing more than mind control, and that hell, heaven, and even God are artifacts conceived by humans for that purpose.

These contemporary Christian artifacts form the basis of the current religious mythology.  Is it that different from the beliefs and gods...the mythologies...of the ancient Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans from centuries ago?  Were they not as steadfast and confident in their beliefs back then as Christians are today in God, Jesus, heaven, and hell?

Organized religion is designed to manipulate people, to manage human behaviors through the promise of some future, eternal existence, an existence that will be determined by how one lives his or her life.  Behave in a certain way during your life on earth and you will be rewarded by an eternity in some sort of idyllic heaven or be condemned to eternal damnation in the fiery pit of hell.  The foundation of morality is consequences, many Christians believe, and what worse consequence can there be than spending an eternity in hell?

To me, the real audacity is that Christians, whose religion is claimed by less than one-third of the planet’s inhabitants, believe that more than two-thirds of the Earth’s population will go to hell because they are not Christians.

Good grief, if Jews and blacks aren’t allowed entry into some Christian country clubs, for crissake, what could possibly motivate Christians to behave themselves if Jews, Muslims, and Buddhists are allowed into heaven?