I need a minute of your time. I’m going to tell you more about blood pressure than you probably ever wanted or needed to know. Assuming, that is, that you’re not a doctor, a nurse, a home-health aid, or a hypochondriac. But it’s a necessary introduction to put the rest of this post in context. So stay with me, okay?
Blood pressure is the measurement of the force against the walls of your arteries as your heart pumps blood through your body. The readings are usually given as two numbers, such as 120 over 80 (120/80). The top number, systolic blood pressure, measures the amount of pressure that blood exerts on vessels while the heart is beating. The bottom number, diastolic blood pressure, measures the pressure in your vessels between heartbeats.
If your blood pressure is too high, you suffer from hypertension, which is defined by readings of 140/90 or higher. Hypertension, if uncontrolled, increases your risk of serious health problems, including heart attack and stroke. If your blood pressure is too low, say 90/60, you've got hypotension, which can cause symptoms such as dizziness and fainting.
Hey, are you still with me? Wake up!
During my annual physical exam last month, my doctor checked my blood pressure; it was 140/92. Now I’m not someone who gets all worked up about this sort of stuff. My total cholesterol is higher than it ought to be, while my “good” cholesterol is below, and my “bad” cholesterol is way above, the recommended levels. Even so, my attitude has always been that it is what it is. And, of course, I blame my parents.
But blood pressure has historically been the one medical diagnostic test that I have passed with flying colors. Just a few years ago, it was 110/72, an excellent reading. The results of this latest check, though, indicates that I am standing at the precipice of hypertension.
My doctor expressed concern about this unexpectedly high reading. “I don’t think we need to prescribe a high blood pressure medication just yet,” he said. “Diet and exercise are the preferred course of action.”
Oh man, I am totally screwed. The truth is that I live a relatively sedentary life. My typical exercise routine consists of scaling the 19 steps from the kitchen to my home office five or six times a day. And while my wife prepares healthy meals for the two of us, I am never one to turn away from between meal sweet or salty snacks or from that third or fourth cup of coffee.
And I loves me my burgers and fries.
When I got home and I told my wife about my blood pressure results and that the doctor wanted to see me again in four months to take another reading, she said, “That’s ridiculous. You don’t need to see the doctor again just to get your blood pressure taken.”
Then she muttered something under her breath about my “questionable” decision late last year to enroll us in a high deductible health plan.
Determined to mitigate the need for me to go back to the doctor just to get another blood pressure test, the full cost of which office visit and test would be applied to the incredibly high deductible of my high deductible health plan, and, therefore, borne by me, she sat herself down in front of her computer and proceeded to spend the next several hours scouring the internet to find the perfect home blood pressure monitor.
Ultimately, she ordered an Omron monitor from Heart Rate Monitors, and it arrived about a week and a half ago. It’s an incredibly easy to use device. You simply wrap the inflatable cuff, which is attached to the base via a 36-inch air hose-like thing, around your upper arm and press “START” on the device. The cuff quickly inflates and then slowly deflates, taking readings along the way.
I have started to take blood pressure readings each morning while sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper, and enjoying my first cup of coffee. Unfortunately, some of the articles I read, especially those of a political nature, cause my blood pressure to go up a few points. Damn those Republicans!
So far, though, my daily blood pressure readings have been significantly better than what they were at my doctor’s office last month. In fact, most of the time they come out at 120/80 or better! And on Mother’s Day, as shown on the actual reading on the left, it was 106/72! Booyah!
It's a like a friggin’ miracle. My hypertension has been cured! I think I'll go out and celebrate my restored good health with a nice, thick, juicy, rare steak with a side of delicious french fries. Hold the green stuff.
Oh yeah...and some tiramisu for dessert!

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